Impostor Syndrome
We all feel inadequate sometimes. Some folks can never seem to shake that feeling though, no matter how much they accomplish. Such irrational insecurity comes in many forms. Probably the best known is Impostor Syndrome, also called Self-Under-Appreciation Phenomenon.
impostor syndrome n. a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success
Insecurity can negatively impact not only the lives of the individuals it afflicts, but everyone around those individuals. Here are a couple of scenarios you might find familiar.
Scenario 1
You ask a coworker a simple question, and instead of (or immediately after) answering, they begin an unsolicited tirade about a seemingly irrelevant topic. For example:
Alice: Happy Wednesday, Bob! Did you push yesterday’s code changes to GitHub?
Bob: No, we can’t release on weekdays because there’s too much risk of downtime.
Alice asks a straightforward yes or no question, and Bob replies with a statement that’s dubious in several ways. Alice might rightly feel confused. I asked whether he pushed the code, not whether he released it. Do we have some new Continuous Deployment system that I don’t know about? Did he think I said merged instead of pushed? Even if pushing meant deploying, the risk of downtime wouldn’t mean we absolutely couldn’t release code. How did he determine that the risk was “too much?”
When Alice spoke, Bob didn’t hear a question, but an accusation. Not merely “have you pushed the code,” but “I suspect that you haven’t pushed the code;” and by implication, “I don’t think you’re doing your job.” So Bob tried to defend himself.
This scenario is unpleasant and unproductive for everyone involved. If you find yourself in a similar situation where you identify with Alice, be patient, and remember that Bob may be wrestling demons you can’t see. Raising your voice or asking a question like “Bob, WT actual F are you talking about?” will only make things worse. Continue the conversation slowly and painstakingly, and throw in some kind words if you can.
If you identify more with Bob here, and want to know why Alice is so concerned about whether other people are pushing their code or not, please take a deep breath. Don’t read too much into anything. Even if a question seems like a veiled insult, or if you feel insecure because you wish you could give a different answer, take questions at face value. Most people truly mean well, and are not out to get you. In fact, you can usually count on the people you work with to have your back if you need help.
Scenario 2
Someone presents a suggestion as the only reasonable option: “We must do X. X is the universally acknowledged best way, and approaches like Y and Z are known to be obsolete. X is how companies C, D, and E do it. Dr. So-and-so endorses X, and they’re famous. Everyone whose opinion matters has heard of Dr. So-and-so.”
The person may be talking about version control, deployment strategies, code factoring, or any number of other technical topics. The key thing is that they are not only failing to invite conversation, but actively shutting rational conversation down before it can begin.
Someone suffering from Self Under Appreciation does not realize how they come across. They see themself as inadequate, or even insignificant, and thus they think they must push with all their might if they are to be taken seriously at all. It never occurs to them that they are steamrolling other people.
If you see this happen, let the person know, as gently as possible, that it is important to invite conversation rather than preempt it. Remind them that the voices of your actual teammates in the here and now matter no less than those of Dr. So-and-so.
Any time you want to enact change, and are trying to get buy-in, present your actual reasons—not merely the advice of some pundit—and be prepared to discuss them calmly. If your ideas are good, your team is likely to give them a shot. If folks raise concerns, take the time to understand and consider them, then adjust your opinion or explain why you haven’t.
Insecurity manifests in myriad ways beyond these scenarios: Folks who never share their opinions (and thus rob the team of their perspective), or who replace reasoned discussion with ad hominem attacks (because they're terrified of losing an argument), or who develop massive egos to compensate for a lack of self esteem. If you have any thoughts on coping with Self Under Appreciation, as either an afflicted person or somebody close to one, please share them in the comments.